//
archives

Satire

This category contains 42 posts

Court orders Justin Bieber to stop making music


A court in Canada has ordered teen pop sensation Justin Bieber to stop making music for the next three years as restitution for a recent assault charge. In a plea deal with the prosecution today, 19-year-old Bieber agreed to refrain from touring or recording new material in exchange for keeping himself out of jail. The … Continue reading

Al Gore and Pope spar over origins of the Internet


Former Vice President Al Gore had some choice words for Pope Francis this week following the pontiff’s assertion that the Internet is a “gift from God,” saying that the Creator in which we’re all endowed had little to do with its development. “Now, I love Pope Francis with his flowy robes and his pointy hat, … Continue reading

Tony Blair just won’t go away


Former British Prime Minister Tony Blair is stubbornly refusing to let Britain move on. The grin-based organism has been asked to stop saying things in the press, which reminds Britain that it voted for him three times. Teacher Emma Bradford said: “When Kim Kardashian came along, Paris Hilton had the self-awareness to recognise that her … Continue reading

‘Dirty’ Harry Callahan found not guilty of shooting unarmed civilians


In a controversial ruling, no-nonsense cop ‘Dirty’ Harry Callahan walked free from a federal court yesterday after a jury acquitted him of the ‘targeted hits’ of lowlife, good-for-nothing punks. The hard-bitten San Francisco detective was charged after it emerged that some of his victims may have been unarmed when he blew them away. Among the … Continue reading

President Obama says America is fed up with the spoiled brat antics of Justin Bieber so I am deporting him back to Canada


If President Obama gets his wish, little Justin Bieber will be sitting in his mom’s Canadian home by Valentine’s Day. The president has stated that he is sick and tired of getting thousands and thousands of complaints from good, hard-working, red-blooded Americans asking him to do something about the horrible attitude that Justin Bieber has … Continue reading

Russia hires Jack Bauer to safeguard Sochi Olympics


Russia‘s counterterrorism agency is reporting that former U.S. federal agent and fugitive from justice Jack Bauer has been picked to lead efforts to keep athletes and visitors safe during the upcoming Olympic Games in Sochi. They cited Bauer’s experience in thwarting a wide variety of terrorist plots in 24 hours or less as a contributing … Continue reading

Canada to release over 6,000 illegal aliens into North Dakota


The Canadian government has informed President Obama that they are getting ready to release 6,391 illegal aliens from the United States into North Dakota. A spokesperson for the Canadian government said that some of the illegal immigrants had been sitting in Canadian jails for as long as 9 years. A Minnesota individual who said his … Continue reading

Modern day American dream is an out of court settlement


Drawing on national polling data and extensive personal interviews, social scientists confirmed that the concept of the American Dream, the widely held aspiration among U.S. citizens of achieving financial security and personal happiness, now consists entirely of receiving a substantial out-of-court settlement. “Whereas achieving the American Dream once meant rising to a stable position of … Continue reading

Britain could miss out on crazy, pointless war with China, says important American


Cuts to Britain’s armed forces mean the country will be ‘left on the sidelines’ when America invades China. Robert Gates, former US defence secretary, stressed that Britain would no longer be America’s ‘full crazy partner in war’. He said: “Your military will be dropping food from its only helicopter while the US Marines are surging … Continue reading

Unemployed, miserable man still remembers teacher who first made him fall in love with writing


  Explaining that she introduced him to the literature that made him the man he is today, 41-year-old Casey Sheard, an unemployed and fundamentally miserable person, confirmed to reporters Tuesday that he still fondly remembers the high school teacher who first inspired him to fall in love with writing. “Mrs. Merriman was the one who … Continue reading

Man detained for blindly following traffic rules in Delhi, India


An unidentified 40-year-old male has been detained by Delhi police for suspicious behaviour after he was caught following all the traffic rules on the road in the national capital. This is the rarest of the rare behaviours witnessed on Delhi roads, authorities confirm. Addressing a press conference,  traffic inspector Mr. Hafta Ram gave a detailed account of … Continue reading

English professor suddenly realises students will believe literally anything she says


Midway through her 9 a.m. Intro to American Literature course Thursday, University of Nebraska-Lincoln Professor Elizabeth Mabrey suddenly realised that her students would accept, without question, literally any words that came out of her mouth as absolute, incontrovertible fact, sources confirmed. “I could say that On the Road was an overt metaphor for the Vietnam … Continue reading

Japan to launch unarmed practice missile towards North Korea


The Saki News Agency is reporting that the government of Japan has decided to give North Korean leader Kim Jong Un a bit of his own medicine. Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe stated that his country will be launching what it calls an unarmed practice missile toward North Korea. The missile is a standard, universal type … Continue reading

Wikipedia founder discovered rolling around in millions of facts at mansion


Wikipedia’s creator Jimmy Wales was under police guard in hospital today after being discovered naked and “laughing hysterically” in millions of facts printed from his website. Police were called to the 47-year-old’s London home only after one of 200 printers jammed and caught fire, sending plumes of black smoke into the skies. Officers broke into … Continue reading

Justin Bieber may buy land In Colorado and become a pot farmer


Justin Bieber recently announced that he was retiring from the music business. The iRumors News Agency is now reporting that the Canadian singer is considering purchasing some land in the marijuana haven state of Colorado and becoming a pot farmer. Bieber spoke with Vodka Vermicelli of iRumors and said that he figures that by being … Continue reading

Playboy asks Denmark’s Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt to appear in a nude layout


Playboy Corporation mogul Hugh Hefner has offered the stunning blonde prime minister of Denmark, Helle Thorning-Schmidt $1.8 million to appear in a nude layout in his magazine. Hefner spoke with reporters and stated that he knows that the issue would be one of the biggest sellers in the publication’s history. The Playboy head stated that … Continue reading

Pope Francis expands Vatican drone program


Pope Francis has ordered a major expansion of the Vatican’s controversial drone program, calling it necessary to protect the church. “The Vatican has many enemies around the world, and we must take the necessary steps to defend the church and ourselves,” Pope Francis said in an official statement. “Unmanned drones are the most effective way … Continue reading

If you liked what you just read, click "Subscribe" to become a follower of the Craig Hill site. You will receive an email each time a new post is published.

Join 14,942 other followers

An archive of all my old posts

Follow me on Twitter

  • Who do you think would be the best Prime Minister? #auspol 7 hours ago
  • RT @gedkearney: Happening right now - the Morrison Government has just voted against Zali Steggall's motion to debate legislation on climat… 16 hours ago
  • Just when you thought nothing could be worse than the vaccine rollout, Morrison releases his climate change plan. @ScottMorrisonMP #auspol 16 hours ago
  • RT @AustDems: Surprisingly good coverage from News Corp on our resurgence, sadly paywalled if you don't have a Courier mail sub. We do mean… 17 hours ago
  • RT @DailyTelegraph0: Scott Morrison announces zero-emissions plan: "It's all in this pamphlet, based on a text message from Barnaby." @Scot19 hours ago

Most Recent Posts Post on My Blog About China: China News

Cadence Column: Asia, October 25, 2021

Cadence Column: Asia, October 25, 2021

Taiwan was thrust into a position without being asked. In 1971, the United Nations removed the Taipei-seated government known today as “Taiwan” and switched to recognizing the Beijing-based government known as “China”. The Taiwanese were elbowed out of the global forum. Now, the US is working to bring Taiwan back in, but not the same […]

China’s trade practices come under fire

China’s trade practices come under fire

China’s trade policies have come under strong criticism during a review at the World Trade Organization (WTO). The US accused China of “skewing the playing field” by using “unfair trade practices” such as preferential treatment for state businesses. Meanwhile Australia said the country’s behaviour was “inconsistent” with its WTO commitments. China said it was committed […]

China’s economy weakens, then gets even worse and now there’s a global shipping crisis. What’s next?

China’s economy weakens, then gets even worse and now there’s a global shipping crisis. What’s next?

The world is waking up to the fact that maybe being dependent upon China for its goods is not such a good idea. In 2019 at about the same time the US was closing on the trade deals with China, COVID emerged in China. In 2019 China’s economy was also beginning to slow down. COVID […]

U.S. needs nuclear spacecraft to compete with China, NASA official tells Congress

U.S. needs nuclear spacecraft to compete with China, NASA official tells Congress

A NASA official told Congress on Wednesday that the United States needs more nuclear spacecrafts in order to compete with China. “Strategic competitors including China are aggressively investing in a wide range of space technologies, including nuclear power and propulsion,” Bhavya Lal, NASA’s senior advisor for budget and finance, told the House Science, Space, and […]

China shows off drones recycled from Soviet-era fighter jets

China shows off drones recycled from Soviet-era fighter jets

China has for the first time showed off retired 1950s era fighter jets that have been converted to unmanned drones, with satellite photos of two of its east coast bases near Taiwan showing a large number of the jets on site. The People’s Liberation Army’s Eastern Theater Command published the photos of two Shenyang J-6s […]

China’s propaganda machine is intensifying its ‘people’s war’ to catch American spies

China’s propaganda machine is intensifying its ‘people’s war’ to catch American spies

“Let’s fight a ‘people’s war’ against the spies, so that they cannot move a single step and have no place to hide!” That was the rallying cry of a Chinese military newspaper on social media over the weekend, as Beijing urges public vigilance against American espionage following the launch of a CIA mission center dedicated […]

China’s blackouts break power cutoff pledge

China’s blackouts break power cutoff pledge

As China struggles to control the latest surge of power shortages, the government seems to be hoping that the public will have short memories for how it has dealt with similar problems in the past. After months of downplaying the power crisis and recommending partial fixes, central government authorities belatedly acknowledged the spread of electricity […]

Cadence Column: Asia, October 18, 2021

Cadence Column: Asia, October 18, 2021

According to Chinese and US claims, China has a high-orbit, hypersonic missile that can hit a target within 24 miles. And, that’s why China is the new boss of the world and everyone else should hate America. The end. But, that’s not the end in the mind of Taiwan or the US Pentagon. This week, […]

China ‘making its nuclear submarines harder to detect’

China ‘making its nuclear submarines harder to detect’

China is upgrading its nuclear missile-equipped submarines to make them harder for rival powers such as the US to detect, reports suggest. The People’s Liberation Army Navy has redesigned its type 094 submarines to make them quieter, The South China Morning Post reports. Defence experts believe the Chinese 094 submarine can carry and launch the […]

Could China’s economy collapse?

Could China’s economy collapse?

For almost half a century, Chinese officials have overseen one of the greatest economic transformations in human history. The country has gone from collectivized farms and famine to world-leading tech companies and gleaming megacities connected by superfast trains. More than 800 million Chinese have been pulled out of poverty as the Communist Party and its leader […]