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Satire

Wikipedia founder discovered rolling around in millions of facts at mansion


Jimmy Wales

Jimmy Wales

Wikipedia’s creator Jimmy Wales was under police guard in hospital today after being discovered naked and “laughing hysterically” in millions of facts printed from his website.

Police were called to the 47-year-old’s London home only after one of 200 printers jammed and caught fire, sending plumes of black smoke into the skies.

Officers broke into the home and reportedly found Wales throwing thousands of tiny pieces of paper into the air.

“It was like the end of Scarface but with small nuggets of information rather than cocaine,” said PC Tim Grey. “All the bits of paper were from cut-up printouts for the wikipedia entry on aadvarks. There was everything you could want to know about that medium-sized, burrowing, nocturnal animal native to Africa.

“It seems Wales had tried to print off the entire contents of wikipedia but pressed a million copies of aadvark instead. As everyone including the late Steve Jobs knows, you can’t cancel a print job once it’s started.”

A source inside wikipedia speculated that Wales had been planning to step down as president of Wikia and was trying to “take all the facts with him”.

“Jimmy lives for facts. I mean he eats them morning, noon and night. I bought him a novel once and he went and threw up in the corner.”

Rumours have swirled around Wales in recent months, with some suggesting that he has resorted to ever more drastic tactics to “beef up the facts”, including working his way through the phone book and asking random members of the public if they “know of any facts of interest that wikipedia may have overlooked”.

Author and presenter Stephen Fry revealed that Wales phoned him last night in a distressed state, asking what the plural of “scissors” was.

“A similar thing happened to me on the third series of QI,” said Fry.

“I’d been reading the Chinese dictionary at bedtime and I suddenly blacked out. When I woke up I spoke Cantonese for 24 hours straight.”

And British pianist Jools Holland suffered a similar fate in 2003 when he accidentally overdosed on boogie woogie. Holland was cured after being sent to a clinic that played nothing but thrash metal loudly for a week.

Source: The Daily News – Wikipedia founder discovered rolling around in millions of facts at mansion (SATIRE)
 

About Craig Hill

Teacher and Writer. Writing has been cited in New York Times, BBC, Fox News, Aljazeera, Philippines Star, South China Morning Post, National Interest, news.com.au, Wikipedia and others.

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