//
you're reading...
Satire

Wikipedia founder discovered rolling around in millions of facts at mansion


Jimmy Wales

Jimmy Wales

Wikipedia’s creator Jimmy Wales was under police guard in hospital today after being discovered naked and “laughing hysterically” in millions of facts printed from his website.

Police were called to the 47-year-old’s London home only after one of 200 printers jammed and caught fire, sending plumes of black smoke into the skies.

Officers broke into the home and reportedly found Wales throwing thousands of tiny pieces of paper into the air.

“It was like the end of Scarface but with small nuggets of information rather than cocaine,” said PC Tim Grey. “All the bits of paper were from cut-up printouts for the wikipedia entry on aadvarks. There was everything you could want to know about that medium-sized, burrowing, nocturnal animal native to Africa.

“It seems Wales had tried to print off the entire contents of wikipedia but pressed a million copies of aadvark instead. As everyone including the late Steve Jobs knows, you can’t cancel a print job once it’s started.”

A source inside wikipedia speculated that Wales had been planning to step down as president of Wikia and was trying to “take all the facts with him”.

“Jimmy lives for facts. I mean he eats them morning, noon and night. I bought him a novel once and he went and threw up in the corner.”

Rumours have swirled around Wales in recent months, with some suggesting that he has resorted to ever more drastic tactics to “beef up the facts”, including working his way through the phone book and asking random members of the public if they “know of any facts of interest that wikipedia may have overlooked”.

Author and presenter Stephen Fry revealed that Wales phoned him last night in a distressed state, asking what the plural of “scissors” was.

“A similar thing happened to me on the third series of QI,” said Fry.

“I’d been reading the Chinese dictionary at bedtime and I suddenly blacked out. When I woke up I spoke Cantonese for 24 hours straight.”

And British pianist Jools Holland suffered a similar fate in 2003 when he accidentally overdosed on boogie woogie. Holland was cured after being sent to a clinic that played nothing but thrash metal loudly for a week.

Source: The Daily News – Wikipedia founder discovered rolling around in millions of facts at mansion (SATIRE)
 

About Craig Hill

Teacher and Writer. Writing has been cited in New York Times, BBC, Fox News, Aljazeera, Philippines Star, South China Morning Post, National Interest, news.com.au, Wikipedia and others.

Discussion

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

If you liked what you just read, click "Subscribe" to become a follower of the Craig Hill site. You will receive an email each time a new post is published.

Join 15,358 other followers

An archive of all my old posts

Follow me on Twitter

Most Recent Posts Post on My Blog About China: China News

China’s new aircraft carrier Fujian: Hit or miss 

China’s new aircraft carrier Fujian: Hit or miss 

While the United States was wrapping up its Valiant Shield 2022 exercise on 17 June, China launched its third aircraft carrier with all the fanfare. The launch was postponed twice due to logistical and technical issues. The aircraft carrier has been named Fujian with the hull number 18. It has been under construction at the world’s largest […]

In Beijing’s BRICS summit, Putin is back on the world stage

In Beijing’s BRICS summit, Putin is back on the world stage

When Russian President Vladimir Putin dials into the virtual BRICS summit hosted by Beijing on Thursday, it will be his first time attending a forum with the heads of major economies since launching an invasion of Ukraine earlier this year. For Putin, this could offer a welcome picture: his face beamed onscreen alongside other leaders […]

U.S. not seeking to create “Asian NATO,” defense secretary says

U.S. not seeking to create “Asian NATO,” defense secretary says

The U.S. Defense Secretary emphasized partnership as the main priority for the American security strategy in the Indo-Pacific during a keynote speech on Saturday. However, Lloyd Austin stressed that the U.S. does not seek to create “an Asian NATO.” Austin spoke for half an hour at the First Plenary Session of the Shangri-La Dialogue 2022 […]

Why Chinese warplanes are ‘playing chicken’ with US allies

Why Chinese warplanes are ‘playing chicken’ with US allies

Chinese warplanes are targeting US allies in a high-stakes “game of chicken” over the Asia-Pacific that risks spiraling out of control — raising the risk of an incident that could spark war. That is the view of analysts who warn increasingly aggressive maneuvers by Chinese fighter jets — accused of endangering both Canadian and Australian […]

Has China lost Europe?

Has China lost Europe?

In April and May, as Russia’s war in Ukraine entered its third month, China sent a special envoy to meet with officials in eight central and eastern European countries. The timing was not coincidental: in the two months since Russia had launched its invasion, China’s standing in Europe had sunk to new lows. European governments […]

Xi’s re-election: Opportunity for the world, curse for China

Xi’s re-election: Opportunity for the world, curse for China

China is gearing up for the 20th National Congress of the Chinese Communist Party to be held later this year. According to the consensus view, President Xi Jinping’s historic bid for a third term as the party’s General Secretary is assured. The Chinese President and General Secretary of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), Xi Jinping, doesn’t have much […]

China: A political view

China: A political view

I read Dr Mohamad Zreik[2] interesting and comprehensive article on the growth of China’s economy. It has come a long way since the days of Mao Tse Tung and the days of his communist experiment, the Long March, when millions died. The years that followed Mao set the path from which the economy took off […]

Math books outrage China with ‘ugly, sexually suggestive, pro-American’ images

Math books outrage China with ‘ugly, sexually suggestive, pro-American’ images

China has ordered a nationwide review of school textbooks after illustrations deemed ugly, sexually suggestive and secretly pro-American caused public uproar. The news has alarmed some experts and parents who fear the campaign is turning into a political witch hunt and represents an unnecessary tightening of the country’s already stringent censorship of cultural publications. The […]

Why Biden didn’t mean what he said about Taiwan

Why Biden didn’t mean what he said about Taiwan

The White House has been left scrambling a little after President Joe Biden suggested on May 23, 2022, that the US would intervene militarily should China attempt an invasion of Taiwan. The comment, which Biden made during a trip to Japan, was taken by some observers as a deviation from the official US line on […]

United States outmanoeuvres Russia once again? 

United States outmanoeuvres Russia once again? 

In a recent briefing, the US Director of National Intelligence (DNI), Avril Haines warned, “I would characterize it as the Russians aren’t winning, and the Ukrainians aren’t winning, and we’re at a bit of a stalemate here.” So, where is the Russia-Ukraine war heading? What is Russian President Putin planning next? Is Europe ready for […]

%d bloggers like this: