//
you're reading...
Satire

Gwyneth Paltrow writing book on how to properly get divorced


Gwyneth Paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow announced today she is writing a self-help book for people going through a divorce.

In a blog post on Goop, her personal website, the 41-year-old actress said she has signed a deal with a major publisher to write “Conscious Uncoupling: How to Survive Divorce With Style, Grace and Class,” which will draw from her recent experience separating from longtime partner Chris Martin.

“Everyone keeps asking how I managed to get divorced so successfully,” Paltrow explained. “So I thought maybe I should write a book about my experience and let average people know how easy it is if you have the right mindset.

“When most couples get divorced the process releases an enormous amount of negative energy. But along with my soon-to-be ex-husband, I have been able to stay positive and look at our situation as an opportunity for personal growth.Wouldn’t it be great if everybody’s divorce was as healthy and life-affirming as my own?”

Shakespeare Out of Love

Paltrow is an actress most known for her work in films such as “Great Expectations,” “The Talented Mr. Ripley” and her appearances in the “Iron Man” franchise.

In recent years, however, she has also become notorious to the public for her website Goop, where she offers unsolicited and unaffordable advice on how other people can be more like her.

This pretentiousness has earned her the ire of the American people, who recently rated Paltrow the most hated celebrity in a poll for Star magazine, beating out convicted dog-killer Michael Vick and domestic abuse artist Chris Brown for the dubious honor.

In today’s post, Paltrow showed no sign of taking such criticisms to heart. Rather, she offered a few helpful hints for divorcing couples that highlighted the ostentatious solipsism that drives such antipathy.

“The number one question in most divorces is ‘who gets the house?’ ” she wrote. “Most couples have their lawyers fighting tooth and nail for the right to stay in the family home.

“All this acrimony can be avoided with one simple tip: as soon as you get married, make sure to buy a least two extra houses. That way, even if you have to sell one of them, you both will have a place to live after the divorce is final.”

Paltrow’s other suggestions included “hire a full-time yoga instructor,” “instruct your personal chef to avoid stress-triggering foods,” and “take off work for a month to travel the south of France.”

“Conscious Uncoupling” is expected to appear in bookstores this fall.

Source: The Daily Currant – Gwyneth Paltrow Writing Book on How to Properly Get Divorced (SATIRE)
 

About Craig Hill

Teacher and Writer. Writing has been cited in New York Times, BBC, Fox News, Aljazeera, Philippines Star, South China Morning Post, National Interest, news.com.au, Wikipedia and others.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

If you liked what you just read, click "Subscribe" to become a follower of the Craig Hill site. You will receive an email each time a new post is published.

Join 17,663 other followers

An archive of all my old posts

Follow me on Twitter

Most Recent Posts Post on My Blog About China: China News

Chinese drones now almost a daily appearance over Taiwan

Chinese drones now almost a daily appearance over Taiwan

The Chinese military has intensified its drone incursions into the skies above Taiwan with almost daily flights of combat and reconnaissance unmanned aerial vehicles (UAVs). Taiwan’s Defense Ministry said a People’s Liberation Army (PLA) TB-001 drone was spotted crossing the median line of the Taiwan Strait, the de facto boundary between the island and China’s […]

India says disengagement along disputed area with China to be completed by September 12

India says disengagement along disputed area with China to be completed by September 12

India’s foreign ministry said on Friday that disengagement along a disputed border area with China will be completed by Sept. 12. Both countries began disengaging from the Gogra-Hot Springs border area in the western Himalayas on Thursday, over two years after clashes at the frontier strained diplomatic ties. The disengagement comes ahead of a meeting […]

How to make EVs without China’s supply chain

How to make EVs without China’s supply chain

Two electrifying moves in recent weeks have the potential to ignite electric vehicle demand in the United States. First, Congress passed the Inflation Reduction Act, expanding federal tax rebates for EV purchases. Then California approved rules to ban the sale of new gasoline-powered cars by 2035. The Inflation Reduction Act extends the Obama-era EV tax […]

Anti-India forces: Techniques and agendas exposed

Anti-India forces: Techniques and agendas exposed

In the post-cold war era, India has moved from a policy of non-alignment to a policy of multi-alignment. This means that India has friendly relations with almost all-powerful and developing nations. Today India is carving out a unique path for itself. Such an approach provides prominence and exposes India to the harmful behind-curtain activities by […]

Taiwan’s Kinmen serves as a reminder of China’s aggression

Taiwan’s Kinmen serves as a reminder of China’s aggression

Taiwan’s frontline island of Kinmen was once again in the headlines when President Tsai Ing-wen paid tribute this week to the soldiers and civilians who “operated in solidarity and safeguarded Taiwan” 64 years ago. On Aug. 23, 1958 mainland Chinese troops attacked Kinmen in a key battle that marked the beginning of the Second Taiwan […]

Terrorism: The glue that holds China and Pakistan together 

Terrorism: The glue that holds China and Pakistan together 

The father of communism, Karl Marx, once famously said — “We have no compassion, and we ask no compassion from you. When our turn comes, we shall not make excuses for the terror”. This statement summarises how terrorism and communism go hand in hand. Maoist China alone destroyed between 44.5 to 72 million lives. During […]

‘New normal’ across the Taiwan Strait as China threat looms ever closer

‘New normal’ across the Taiwan Strait as China threat looms ever closer

China is attempting to establish a “new normal” across the Taiwan Strait, eroding self-ruled Taiwan’s territorial control and increasing the threat of a strike with each military sortie, officials and analysts say. Beijing has ramped up military maneuvers in the 110-mile (180-kilometer) wide stretch of water that separates Taiwan from mainland China — and the […]

When Beijing was burning, Xi was playing personal games 

When Beijing was burning, Xi was playing personal games 

A great fire destroyed Rome for six days in the summer of AD 64. Famous Roman historian of that time, Tacitus, recorded that 70 percent of the city was destroyed and half of the city’s residents were displaced. Roman ruler Nero was accused of being indifferent, ineffective, and careless. The end result of this neglect […]

China would re-educate Taiwan in event of reunification

China would re-educate Taiwan in event of reunification

Once China achieves its professed goal of establishing control over Taiwan, a process of “re-education” of the island’s population would follow, according to China’s Ambassador to France Lu Shaye. The ambassador was speaking on French television channel BFM TV on Wednesday night, when he said a majority of the Taiwanese population actually wanted to be […]

Sri Lanka’s economic crisis is a political sabotage

Sri Lanka’s economic crisis is a political sabotage

Sri Lanka’s present state confirms the famous statement: “Insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results.” Sri Lankans have been repeating the mistakes of choosing the politicians Rajapaksas again and again. It is confirmed that there were unaccounted payments that the Chinese were liberal with during project negotiations with the island nation. They were paid […]

%d bloggers like this: